Who Is the Wedding All About?

Today I share an essay written by my daughter, Christa, who is getting married the end of this month.
It's not just about new brides, though. Her thoughts echo ALL our hearts as we struggle to fix our eyes on what matters for eternity and not get sucked in to this world and what it screams is important.

Thank you, Christa, for allowing me to share this. You are a precious gift to Dad & me, and I am so excited for how God will shine his grace through you as you embark upon your future.

Who is the wedding all about?  -by Christa Pratt


“Oh my word, it’s the biggest day of your life, don’t skimp on anything!”“Don’t let others decide things for you. Only your preferences matter. It’s your day.”
“You deserve the best, after all you’ve waited and worked so hard for it!”

It’s all about my hair style. The more curls the better – It’s all about my flowers. Do I want mine to look modern, hipster, throwback, retro, or a mixture? – It’s all about my makeup. I don’t want to look fake, but I don’t want to look like I just woke up either. – It’s all about the pictures of me. I’ll have them forever and I’ll remember it as the biggest day of my life, I NEED good pictures. – It’s all about my accessories, any jewelry accents the gown, but I can’t overdo it. I want the main focus on my face. I’m the important one. – It’s all about the tanning. Don’t get too dark, they’ll know it’s fake, but I DO NOT want to blend in with the dress! – It’s all about my wedding music. Don’t be too sappy, but I don’t want to downplay it either. – It’s all about me looking better than everyone else, and all attention on me.

I have felt and witnessed the incredible “me, me, me” mentality of the bride in weddings. And it has rubbed off on me. I have had my bridezilla moments, like the fight over how to write the names on the wedding invitations (sorry for my stubbornness, Mom). But I am also saddened by the culture we live in. The wedding is NOT ABOUT ME. And it’s not about Jason. At least not only us. It’s us displaying the relationship between Christ and the church. The wedding is a covenant made before God. It is a promise made to God and each other. Does he get a say in any part of the wedding? Our world screams to make the day about you. As with many other topics, the Bible says the opposite than the world.
I don’t think God cares if I wear strappy heels or classic heels as I walk down the aisle (I don’t mean to be cavalier in saying that), but God has everything to do with the wedding day. I make decisions based on what I think will please him, and I should do it in a way that pleases him. Would it be terrible if I had a friend do my hair at the wedding, instead of a professional? Would it be awful if our outside wedding venue for pictures was rained out, and we had to do them inside? Are these things so invaluable that the day would be ruined?


I confess that I have been acting selfish lately. My thoughts tend to be ‘I NEED a manicure soon.’

‘The bride must look good.’ ‘My registry better get bought out.’ And it’s not just me who’s thinking these things. The pampering stores, friends, and random strangers who hear I am getting married, the waitresses who bring out a free dessert all glorify the bride.

The wedding is a big deal. I am not down playing that fact. And it is exciting too. And I am thankful for those friends who care and pay attention. I am disgusted, however, by the selfishness I exude by thinking that I deserve a perfect honeymoon and a great wedding cake.

If I could live my whole engagement over again, I would 1) pray every night about the wedding (not that I haven’t prayed at all for the wedding, just not as substantially), 2) I would care more about what God thinks than people! 3) I would recognize the temptation to spoil and be spoiled as a bride, and stay away from it. My selfishness and my pride is ugly. It affects my relationship with my family, my future family – Jason, and with God. Ultimately, my decision to think on what I want, has caused me to shirk my relationship with God. That is my biggest regret.

So, my hope for this wedding is not that people would remember how beautiful I was, how pretty the flower girl dresses were, how tasty the food is, but that God was glorified, praised, adored, and loved.

 That is our goal within marriage – God’s glorification. Why should it be anything different in the vow we make to do so?
I am thankful God revealed my pride and selfishness to me now. May his name be glorified.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10  
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

May Christ be made strong

Continue the Conversation

Last weekend our church held its annual marriage seminar, and this year’s focus was on marital intimacy.  It was an encouraging time of celebration, reminder, and (sometimes) rebuke, all centered around God’s truth.

What does God intend in this aspect of married love?

One session divided the genders, and we women pow-wowed on our role as wives. I’d describe the session's focus as two-fold:  inspiring (sex in God’s design is really beautiful --in all of its depth of meaning/ experience) and insightful (consider for a moment how the other gender thinks in this area----eye opening).

This post intends to continue that conversation.

A friend forwarded me an article she’d come across that fit right into this discussion. Written by a husband, he invites us to ‘get inside a man’s head’ as he takes a few moments to walk us down the married-sex road from a male perspective.

Ten Things Every Husband Wishes His Wife Knew About Sex, But Doesn’t Know Quite How To Tell Her

He begins....

"I get a lot of emails from wives wanting to “get inside the heads” of their husbands when it comes to how he acts, and reacts about sex. I realize all husbands are different, and some prefer some things over others, but overall, I feel that there are a lot of wives out there who REALLY WANT to make their sex life with their husband what God intended it to be, but sometimes get frustrated by not understanding why he’s always asking for sex, even when they just had it, or what he means when he says things like “I just want you to want me”.

So it’s for this reason, I decided to write this post..."

I invite you to read it here (link below); you’ll be encouraged, amused, equipped, and well, think a bit differently about things after you're done reading.

A Husband Wishes to Tell...

I've Got A Few Questions of my Own...

In the recent edition of our church’s newsletter Vox Ecclesia, my husband addressed the issue of our three daughters' impending marriagable age status in his article, ‘Eight Questions I’m Going to Ask the Young Man Who Wants to Marry My Daughter’. Read it at Eight Questions
Admittedly, the priority issues of this man’s character and maturity are highlighted in Jon’s list. ( I encourage you to read it; it’s good!)
But, as a mother, I have my own secondary list of inquiries that, given the chance, I would enjoy asking a potential son-in-law, as well..

“Eight Questions I Won’t Ask but I Will Ponder (and Possibly Snoop Around to Find Out On my Own) for the Man Who Wants to Marry My Daughter”

1. Do you know how to run a vacuum cleaner? Any experience at it? What about a dishwasher? I’m more concerned with your familiarity with and awareness of helping another than with pristine cleanliness. Do you know how to set your own ‘higher’ pursuits aside to help out another, even in the menial and domestic arenas of life?
2. Do you know what a Hallmark card is, what its appropriate use is, and do you have any experience in this cultural expression of thoughtfulness? The specific means is not mandated in Scripture (go ahead & rent a billboard, if you prefer), but the principle of selfless consideration of another, thankfulness for another and sharing in another’s joy/celebration or sorrow/burden is a part of Biblical love.
3. How well acquainted are you with the ‘off’ button of your video game system? (And I realize Wii is not the enemy; it could easily be computers or Nascar or….sports?) We all have our ‘down time’ relaxation and/or ‘escape’ activities. But, do you control them to maintain an appropriate balance or do they control you to reveal where your heart’s love is really focused?
4. Do you give a gift to your mother on her birthday and Christmas? Have you learned the discipline of not just stating your love/affection/appreciation but demonstrating it? And giving forethought so that you can show it in a way that she enjoys, and not merely what was on the end rack of Target when you ran in 10 minutes before the store closed?
5. Do you know how to say, “I’m sorry; I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” God calls everyone to confession and restitution in the face of personal wrong. Have you humbled yourself to develop this discipline in the form of actual spoken words and not expect everyone to just assume this. Or to let yourself try to ‘make up’ for it by increased ‘niceness’ or gifts following an incident. Sin is sin. God requires nothing short of admission, confession, apology and restitution.
6. Do you sometimes (often) spend your time and/or money to make someone else happy? Money is money (be wise in its stewardship), but it is only money (invest it in selfless ways as a tool). Using it to brighten another’s day, bring a smile to her face, supply a need of a friend, anonymously bless a stranger’s life ….these are ‘cups of cold water’ given in Jesus’ name. I might be impressed with a tight budget and a deep bank account, but God’s pleasure at ‘Good Samaritan-like generosity and encouragement’ is of eternal benefit.
7. Do you do ‘No” as well as you do “Yes”? How well do you know delayed (or denied) gratification? Have you cultivated and become friends with self-denial, understanding the greater good in this refusal of immediate desire? From wise budgeting, to parenting, to resisting temptation, to selfless lovemaking (that’s my daughter, you know), this quality will serve you well. Can you smile comfortably in the face of patience (‘wait’) and even denial (‘no’) as a friend?
8. Do the words ‘thank you’ flow freely and frequently off your lips? Life is filled with undeserved, gracious gifts from others which are ultimately from our good God. We are entitled to none of them. Do you practice this form of simple courtesy that serves as a verbal reminder (both to yourself & the one giving the gift) showing you understand well and appreciate greatly the grace of God in all of this?

This list is not only for prospective grooms, of course. (And as a mother of a son, I suddenly feel great pressure to go spend some ‘quality teaching time’ with my own ‘prospective groom’. This list begs the question, what kind of husband am I raising my son to be?)
Thankfully, God’s Word gives ample instruction and encouragement that as we try to faithfully parent (train, discipline, enjoy, laugh, worship with, teach, model) our sons, the qualities of a godly husband (i.e. son-in-law) will flow from these teachings. And that it is ultimately God’s work in his heart through the process of sanctification.
Indeed, I know that is how it has worked in my own marriage.
The more I love God, the better I love Jon, and in and by God’s grace the lovelier wife I become. And vice versa.

So….want to marry my daughter?

I’ve got just a few questions for you….

There's a Bigger Point in the Grand Picture - don't miss it!

My marriage has been one of earth's greatest joys. I'll also admit it has also been the place of some of my greatest struggles as I have tried to keep expectations in check and focus on my own issues (which compile an endless list!).

But Jon's love has communicated vividly and profoundly of the nature of Christ's love for the church--and for me!--in a way that I can't thank God for enough. It has been selfless, persevering, thoughtful, ever willing to change & grow as he learns of this multi-faceted (i.e. basket case) woman he married. (Thank you, Honey!)

But, despite my own deepest gratitude & the reality of the gift that marriage is, there is also a time for many, and an extended time for a few, when the call may be painful and hard.

God knows this; He's present in it, and He will faithfully enable. And there is so much more to the picture than may meet the eye...

May the following perspective give encouragement.

If you sat down with God today, I wonder what He’d choose to say.
And though I don’t presume to know, I’ll give my thought of how it’d go.

“------ (insert your name), I have for you a task that may seem like a lot to ask,
But it is in my perfect plan to love and serve an imperfect man.

You’ll have to leave yourself behind, look just to me your joy to find.
But in the way your love is shown to him my love will then be known.

Oh, he won’t act as if he knows, perhaps deny that your love shows,
And he may even take offense, ignore, attack, accuse, lack sense.

But you—just leave his heart to me, and focus first on yours, then see
How loving him when he rejects can perhaps have the greatest effect.

For in your selfless, gracious way you live what words can’t really say,
That just like Christ’s love on the cross, your love does not balk at the cost.

And in each time that you forgive, bear a wrong, choose grace to give,
You mirror supernatural love that points to our great God above.

I, too, was called to love in pain, watched my own Son take on the stain
Of those—of you—who mock, rebel, but still your ransom was My will.

Its price was high, my Son was giv’n, but with this your sins were forgiv’n
Is it too much, then, to ask you, ‘Can you reflect this love so true?'

For in your love to him, you see, a light deflects to Calvary.
Your ‘message’ to this man – and all – is grace gives love without recall.

And, child, be sure you understand, it’s not really about this man—
He’ll be human, fail & fall & won’t deserve your kind love’s call.

But don’t lose sight of what’s at stake, what really is the point to make
As you love him devotedly… you show how much that you love Me."

~God

Lord, May I so trust in your sovereign control and loving goodness, that I rest in You even in the (sometimes hard) call of marriage. May I (and it) ever reflect you & your love to bring you glory! Amen