I've Got A Few Questions of my Own...

In the recent edition of our church’s newsletter Vox Ecclesia, my husband addressed the issue of our three daughters' impending marriagable age status in his article, ‘Eight Questions I’m Going to Ask the Young Man Who Wants to Marry My Daughter’. Read it at Eight Questions
Admittedly, the priority issues of this man’s character and maturity are highlighted in Jon’s list. ( I encourage you to read it; it’s good!)
But, as a mother, I have my own secondary list of inquiries that, given the chance, I would enjoy asking a potential son-in-law, as well..

“Eight Questions I Won’t Ask but I Will Ponder (and Possibly Snoop Around to Find Out On my Own) for the Man Who Wants to Marry My Daughter”

1. Do you know how to run a vacuum cleaner? Any experience at it? What about a dishwasher? I’m more concerned with your familiarity with and awareness of helping another than with pristine cleanliness. Do you know how to set your own ‘higher’ pursuits aside to help out another, even in the menial and domestic arenas of life?
2. Do you know what a Hallmark card is, what its appropriate use is, and do you have any experience in this cultural expression of thoughtfulness? The specific means is not mandated in Scripture (go ahead & rent a billboard, if you prefer), but the principle of selfless consideration of another, thankfulness for another and sharing in another’s joy/celebration or sorrow/burden is a part of Biblical love.
3. How well acquainted are you with the ‘off’ button of your video game system? (And I realize Wii is not the enemy; it could easily be computers or Nascar or….sports?) We all have our ‘down time’ relaxation and/or ‘escape’ activities. But, do you control them to maintain an appropriate balance or do they control you to reveal where your heart’s love is really focused?
4. Do you give a gift to your mother on her birthday and Christmas? Have you learned the discipline of not just stating your love/affection/appreciation but demonstrating it? And giving forethought so that you can show it in a way that she enjoys, and not merely what was on the end rack of Target when you ran in 10 minutes before the store closed?
5. Do you know how to say, “I’m sorry; I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” God calls everyone to confession and restitution in the face of personal wrong. Have you humbled yourself to develop this discipline in the form of actual spoken words and not expect everyone to just assume this. Or to let yourself try to ‘make up’ for it by increased ‘niceness’ or gifts following an incident. Sin is sin. God requires nothing short of admission, confession, apology and restitution.
6. Do you sometimes (often) spend your time and/or money to make someone else happy? Money is money (be wise in its stewardship), but it is only money (invest it in selfless ways as a tool). Using it to brighten another’s day, bring a smile to her face, supply a need of a friend, anonymously bless a stranger’s life ….these are ‘cups of cold water’ given in Jesus’ name. I might be impressed with a tight budget and a deep bank account, but God’s pleasure at ‘Good Samaritan-like generosity and encouragement’ is of eternal benefit.
7. Do you do ‘No” as well as you do “Yes”? How well do you know delayed (or denied) gratification? Have you cultivated and become friends with self-denial, understanding the greater good in this refusal of immediate desire? From wise budgeting, to parenting, to resisting temptation, to selfless lovemaking (that’s my daughter, you know), this quality will serve you well. Can you smile comfortably in the face of patience (‘wait’) and even denial (‘no’) as a friend?
8. Do the words ‘thank you’ flow freely and frequently off your lips? Life is filled with undeserved, gracious gifts from others which are ultimately from our good God. We are entitled to none of them. Do you practice this form of simple courtesy that serves as a verbal reminder (both to yourself & the one giving the gift) showing you understand well and appreciate greatly the grace of God in all of this?

This list is not only for prospective grooms, of course. (And as a mother of a son, I suddenly feel great pressure to go spend some ‘quality teaching time’ with my own ‘prospective groom’. This list begs the question, what kind of husband am I raising my son to be?)
Thankfully, God’s Word gives ample instruction and encouragement that as we try to faithfully parent (train, discipline, enjoy, laugh, worship with, teach, model) our sons, the qualities of a godly husband (i.e. son-in-law) will flow from these teachings. And that it is ultimately God’s work in his heart through the process of sanctification.
Indeed, I know that is how it has worked in my own marriage.
The more I love God, the better I love Jon, and in and by God’s grace the lovelier wife I become. And vice versa.

So….want to marry my daughter?

I’ve got just a few questions for you….