What Common Grace Teaches Me about Relating to those Who Do Not Repent

Sometimes she may be immediate family.  Sometimes it is a close friend.  In some cases it is a spouse. Perhaps it is your own child.

But to your great dismay and ongoing heartache, this one whom you love walks away from God…and remains unconvinced, unrepentant, unfazed to the truth you so passionately try to present.

Sometimes the rejection is blatant, outspoken, and antagonistic. Perhaps for some it is more quiet, even respectful, but none the less anti-God.

How do you relate to this person, especially in instances of ongoing, flagrant lifestyle choices that defy God, are destructive, often denying wisdom and in some cases, even fly in the face of common sense?

• Do I draw a line and live out ‘tough love’?

• Do I speak ultimatums couched in gentle affirmations of love?

• Do  I create consequences in my relationship with them by putting them out to help them feel the sting of their sin?

• Or conversely, will my ongoing affection and acceptance communicate passive approval of their life?

These are not simple questions nor hypothetical scenarios.  When one who is close to you chooses against God, there are layers of complicated decisions to wade through.

What is the best way, the right way, to show love while upholding truth?

Common grace gives me some pointers.

What is common grace?  Simply defined, common grace speaks of blessings & benefits given by God to all mankind, both the saved and the unsaved.  Whether you are his child or not,  he grants these as part of his common grace.

(In contrast to saving grace which is granted only to those who believe, trust, & accept God’s rescue of salvation in Christ.)

So, in common grace, all of mankind enjoys breath, joys of relationships, food, sunshine, mental capacities, satisfaction of work and accomplishment, the breathtaking views of our created world, and on and on it goes.

God, as creator, does not withhold these gifts until one follows Him or obeys. He gives these freely… to all.

… ⁴⁵ so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.  Matthew 5:45

God’s common grace: Within this paradigm is an example to consider, be it ever so subtle and implicit.

For common grace confirms that God’s love is demonstrated even when the one receiving it is an enemy of God.

• So if God does not withhold the “common” expressions of his love and goodness because of one’s undeserving status, why should I?
• If God instead uses the goodness of his kindnesses to draw sinful men to himself, why shouldn’t I?

God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance   Romans 2:4b

• If God’s patience is long and steadfast, not changing his mind or withdrawing his common grace gifts, why should I be any different?

• If God does not oppress or bully one to recognize his sovereignty and supremacy, dare I?

Instead: I see God “leaning in” to the very ones who are his enemies.  Pursuing them.  Calling them. His Spirit wooing them.  Offering mercy.  Dying for them.

For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. ⁴ But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, ⁵ he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit.    Titus 2:3-5

As we relate to those who are in a place of hostility toward God, what does that example say to us?

Perhaps it is our unconditional love and undeserved kindnesses that God will use to crack the hard shell of that loved one.

Kindness and love is what God uses to draw men.

(At the very least, as we live this out we will image His love. )

I think we learn much from His example.