Submission: God's Design + Our Response

Our recent Friday night gathering of EBC ladies met to discuss the call of God in our submission to male headship. Not a light subject, certainly not culturally endorsed, but seen in the light of God’s goodness and sovereign control, it is a demonstration of God’s wisdom and grace.
I asked our pastor to weigh in on the issue, and so I shared his thoughts that night as well. I reproduce three of his emphases here:

1. For women, encouraging men to lead stretches across the spectrum between remaining quiet, patiently trusting God to move your husband/church leaders; to rebuking your husband/leaders. Landing at the appropriate place on that scale takes skill. It would be wise for every woman to consider where she lands on that scale with respect to any given issue, thus pulling the focus away from judging her husband’s performance, to discerning if she is responding properly to him. As a couple walks the balance beam, she is the following leg, balancing her husband’s lead leg—exercising patience when he is weak and a little off balance and graciously offering the counterbalance of rebuke when he is way off beam. She is not the judge in the stands watching every little move he makes wrong and letting him know, but one in flesh with him, learning to zig and zag in a way that best enables him to keep his balance on the beam of leadership.

2. As it is easy for the player to critique the coach for not taking the bull by the horns, as it is easy for the student to scoff at lack of vision in the teacher, as it is easy for children to focus 20-20 insight into their parents leadership errors, so it is with wives many times that their critique of their husbands is not always grounded in reality. Sometimes leadership is harder than meets the eye. Sometimes a husband’s perceived failure to lead is more a matter of his wife’s lack of patience and trust in God. (Not a point I would stress with men of course). A needed word of caution for women would be that while submission is at times a hard calling, in the biblical way of thinking, leadership is even more difficult. It is important for wives to understand that they can make the difference between encouraging a man to lead and discouraging his efforts because of his fear of critique from a wife who does not fully appreciate the gravity of his calling.

3. No husband/man is an ideal leader. They are all a work in progress. Get the big picture. Be glad for what is on track. Treat lightly what is not perfect. God alone is your perfect leader. Do not idolize the concept of the knight in shining armor .