Cutting the Apron Strings

Shortly, I’ll send off our 3rd daughter to college.
It is a bittersweet occasion, one we know is in God’s good plan, but one that is also difficult as more apron strings get cut – and the permanence of her growing independence hits home.   OUCH!
In retrospect, there are some things I’d do differently, but there are many, many memories and moments, choices & God-given wisdom for which I’m thankful.

Here is my short list--- parenting choices I made for which I am glad. I offer it in hope it will be helpful for another who is early on along the parenting road:

1. I didn’t harp too much on her messy room.  We taught order and practised cleanliness, and I insisted many times she clean her room.  But in the end, I didn’t want her memories of home life to be of an issue that was important to me, but of little importance to God.
Principle: Discern what is important, and what is of first importance—and emphasize them accordingly.  Don’t let a personal preference or idiosyncrasy become a defining issue.

2. I told her, I showed her, in countless small ways, that I loved her. A decorated birthday cake, tucking a note in a school lunch, leaving a note on her bed, driving her (forgotten) flute to school, stopping at DQ, giving that hug of confidence when hers was missing, buying that backpack that was so important, letting her have that sleepover that left a mess (see #1), and letting her paint her room bright pink and bright orange, on alternating walls—each small act was a chain in the link of love that I wanted to be strong and live long in her heart and mind. I don’t regret one ounce of effort or one lost hour of sleep in the accomplishment of any of these.
Principle: Speak the words and show the acts of love that interface with her world and give her pleasure. The security of being loved is a profound platform from which truth is received.

3. I listened, counseled, laughed, and cried with her—even late at night or right when life was busiest.  This was really hard, and I know I didn't do this perfectly, but I am glad God gave me the insight to realize that if there was a teachable moment, I needed to be up for it (pun intended)!
Principle: Be available, aware, and responsive to the needy/questioning moments of your child’s life.  Don’t let the tyranny of the urgent steal what is truly significant.

4. I cooked, cleaned, nursed, shopped, scolded, encouraged, protected, & shuttled her, but I am so glad that most importantly, I pointed her to God.  As Christa leaves our home as an adult, her faith in God as it was taught, modeled and then received as her own---this is what she most needs. And though it was vital as a child that she eat right, learn well, be well rounded, enjoy life (etc, etc.), the most important thing I ever did as a mom was in the countless everyday (feeble) ways I helped her know God.  May He continue to grow her in the delights of His love and grace!
Principle. Love God and live this love out in earnest example and frequent words—don’t assume the message will be ‘caught’,  say the words, surround her with examples, and actively direct your child's heart to God.

5. I loved her dad and didn’t let that relationship take second place to motherhood.  As one friend tells it, “Marriage is super glue, and parenting is velcro” = one is ‘til death do us part’, and the other is temporary. I’m thankful for the robust relationship of pleasure and companionship that remains between Jon and me even as my children go out the door. I know this also serves as a powerful model to Christa as she leaves our home and someday (likely) will establish her own.
Principle:  Don’t leave your first love. Fan the flame, add new fuel, adjust the coals…then take ongoing delight in the warmth –refuse to get sidetracked into disregard or neglect.

As I read over these, I am struck by the enormity of God’s grace in my life because my own failings are so great.  (Apart from God, I--Christa’s mother-- am truly a mess!)  So many things and choices I would have liked to do better….or do over.
But that time is now past, and I will instead rejoice in what He has allowed.
How grateful I am for the 18 years of blessing that He granted as a stewardship, and for the remarkable woman who now goes out to live her own story.

I love you, Christa. Run hard for God—He will never let you down.