My Joy at God’s Smile of Grace

You had to know it was coming. With my oldest daughter getting married in just three weeks, I had to get sentimental at some point, right?

It has happened in a surprising way.

I have found the past weeks as I anticipate Sarah’s marriage to Luke (and our own release of her to this man who will now hold her heart and her future) that I am filled with an awareness, awe and gratefulness to God for the years we had with her. And for the faithfulness He gave to Jon and me to parent her well.

I marvel at God’s mercy to allow us to enjoy the fruits of living out God’s good design in parenting.

You raise them to release them.

(But if you raised them well, there is such joy at this release. I call this God’s smile of Grace.)

Let me be quick to clarify—

We were far from perfect parents; we do not (nor likely ever will) have everything ‘figured out’.

We failed at times; many times, likely, more than we are even currently aware.

We are but two sinful people raising sinful offspring!

Yet, I can honestly say that I have no regrets.

I can look back and know (in God’s grace) that I gave all I had to this enterprise called mothering. That I was faithful, to Sarah, to Jon, to God.

I loved her sacrificially and selflessly since the day she was born. I cared for her needs, comforted her heart, challenged her sinfulness, guided her seeking heart and in all ways continually fell at God’s feet to enable me to act in wisdom that was outside my own capabilities. Even when it wasn’t easy or there were other things that I’d rather have done.

We steered her in eternal values even when it meant giving up lesser (loudly beckoning) interests. We encouraged sacrificing popularity, pleasure and even self-confidence on the altar of seeking God and testifying boldly that He is what really counts.

We celebrated milestones surrounded by family and cultivated loyalty in what is most important, not in who is or what feels most ‘fun’ at the moment.

We held high the value of gathering as God’s people, in worship, in service, in fellowship, even when other events lured invitingly, as the Biblical principle of how valuable His church is steered our conviction. We rejected legalism, but attempted to display for and to her the beauty of commitment when it’s not convenient. We wanted her to taste the sweet fruit of the support, accountability and loyalty of relationship within the body of Christ.

We prepared her, from her first day of preschool to her final wave goodbye at college, with all the tools we had available. I had the precious treasure of being at home to find time and resource to do this, supporting her at every turn, being there for almost every event, program, field trip, play, concert or whatever.

And so now as I face this day of her impending marriage, I marvel at the joy that fills my heart.

It reveals to me the beauty of yet another of God’s designs.

Parenting done with one’s sights on the next life reaps great reward in this life.

I’m now reaping the joy of God’s smile of grace.

And it is abundant and full.

For those young parents, beginning or in the early years of your parenting, can I offer some encouragement?

1) Pursue God first. Any aspect that made me a good mother, and anything that prevented me from being a bad one, was directly related to my pursuit not of perfect motherhood but of our perfect God.

2) Major on the eternal & don’t be distracted by all urgent cries of this world as well as all the mothers around you who may lure you to join them in becoming enamored with soul fluff! Music lessons, grades in school, cute clothes (or hair), talent development, up to date décor in a bedroom, sports pursuits, intelligence… all have their place. Just don’t usurp God’s place by investing all your own resources & your family’s time in these lesser pursuits. These are but tools to glorify God, not self-glory tools which they so easily can turn into.

3) Capitalize & excel in the moment you’re in. Make it special, give your best effort and expend your last bit of energy to be faithful…one day at a time. Don’t settle for merely what is easiest & do resist what the childish whine will regularly call for. Instead hold boldly to high sailing dreams & expectations based on God’s values. And always realize every moment should reflect your awareness of the ultimate eternal pursuit that is most important!

4) Build a relationship, don’t just provide care & correction. Talk, listen, spend time and repeat again and again. Cultivate your heart & speak often to your child of your love and thanksgiving to God for this child. Play together. Talk of God and his ways. Even when it keeps you up at night (teen years), when it keeps you away from your chores (child years) and when it costs you $25 at Culvers (young adult years). Live out Deut 6 on bike hikes, canoe rides, walks, campfires, car rides & Monopoly marathons, popcorn game nights, etc, etc, etc. Long after you are no longer bigger than your child (and can no longer ‘make’ him do your will), his heart will steer him to follow the one he has come to love (you) as you model the One you want him to love supremely.

Go ahead. In (and through) God’s grace, invest in your future joy.

Thank you, God, for this--our joy is full!